What are the consequences for children who bully and how do you protect children from ongoing bullying if it does not stop ? Hi@NywvmomTo2. He may lack social skills or a have a personality that puts off others his own age. He doesn't have a single friend. What can I do to help him? "Those girls, if they act that way, they were never your friends ," Ellen tells her. By that time, most people already have established groups of friends, and I'm worried it will be even harder for him to make friends as an adult. He doesn't have a best friend; he is never invited over to other kids' houses or for overnights. It's hard for me to believe that. I've been worried about him for a while because when school is out, he spends most of his time at home, usually playing minecraft on his laptop. My soon to be 17 yr old has no strong friendships either and I feel your pain. Close. Speak to him alone in a private place. Continue to love your child and nurture his interests - it's the most important thing! I am in a similar position, my son is 14, for the past 3months has been a target of online bullying from his "friends". If he is willing get him to link up with the school counsellor on an on going basis so they can keep an eye on his mental health . Archived. Be clear and specific . I'm sure no one out there wants to feel that their child is missing out or being shunned for one reason or another. He's alone at home all the time, so it would leave me to believe he's also alone in school. "It's not like . My 14 year old son is having an awfulTime in high school and says he has no friends. Good manners are always appreciated so support your son or daughter in learning what is expected in the outside world. Not sure what would be available where you are since you said your in a small country town. I don't want him to end up being alone. This transition can be particularly difficult for those who tend to be shy or who have to work harder at making new friends. She might be noticeably different, either physically or intellectually. It's heartbreaking. When he is with me he is great, I do not know what he is doing that is off putting to others. - last edited on 1) Be Your Quirky Self My students write end of year reflections and one student wrote about a memorable comment that a boy said to her. Cookie Notice He likes to be alone and think, and he doesn't need to be invited to every party, go to every dance, or see every game with his friends. He enjoys scouts but unfortunately hasn't made any friends yet. When teens have solid, healthy relationships in their lives that they can count on unconditionally, it becomes much easier to endure the roller coaster of adolescent friendships. Wait for her response and validate whatever laments she may have about the difficulty of making and keeping friends. Mumsnet carries some affiliate marketing links, so if you buy something through our posts, we may get a small share of the sale (more details here). By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. It seems there are so many kids who say stuff to him that no matter what classes he switches into there is someone making remarks to picking on him. My teenage daughter is losing her friends. Your son may be uncomfortable in inviting friends over if there is a high level of conflict in your home. 10:18 AM Having a close friend in adolescence can lead to lower rates of anxiety and depression. He seems to get picked on and bullied some too which I don't really understand. I have been sad most of my sons life from him not be included and I'm just now starting to try to change my mind set. Join Activities. It's needs to be treated with the same importance and urgency as any other kind of abuse - because that's what this is . I always tried to encourage him to go out and get some air. Anything that he enjoys doing . and our I know that he does talk to kids at school and I'm pretty sure he's not ostracized there. It's us.". Privacy Policy. What are his interestsmusical instrument, theatre groups, self defence etc. Hi so sorry to hear your son is having trouble. Here are three steps to help your child find a friend or two. Stop being sad and just feel blessed that he's mine and I am so lucky to have him. "The family home is where we get our bearings to the outside world, and we often follow the examples of our parents and siblings. 2022 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Now suddenly he is free for the summer and his attempts at reaching out to kids to socialize are getting ignored. He is very focused on winning and trying to be the best, while other kids are just wanting to have fun, and aren't overly concerned about the rules of that particular sport or game. "My saddest moment as a . He previously had a best friend but he has distanced himself from my son for the past year, no reason given but he's hanging around with a different group of . Both of the kids do not want that. Hi@LuckyGirl2000Welcome to Reach Out and thank you for sharing your story. The reality of it is he could just be picky with his friends. ClickHere andHereto find some information on friendships and loneliness (I might actually go through them with my own daughter!) The first thing I would do is raise this with the school. He has had some good friends in elementary school in the past, but was switched in his classes each year so every time he made a friend, he wasn't in the same class with that child the next year and it fell apart. My 14 year old son has no friends or a social life. He might not share the same interests as his classmates (for example he may hate sports). and our Any advice welcome! I hope you can help. She is still learning about friendships, and what she learns is valuable information she will take with her throughout her life. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. When he has created connections through school start to initiate those potential friends coming over , movie nights , playing video games together , swimming days etc . Ir is also possible that he is avoidant and just won't let his symptoms/anxiety show. He has an apprenticeship he loves and goes to college on day release. Is he shy around others, feels awkward or overwhelmed? If she went to Guides / Scouts / sports / choir then she would get to take part in activities with a new groups of children and may make friends with similar interests. I don't want him becoming a hermit or a recluse. I love that. I got him involved in every activity possible but is not really athletic. Have you sought out any support for yourself? I tell them that people LOVE talking about themselves and feel good when others show interest in them as individuals. You need need clear verification from them that they will act on their decisions and follow through . This must be devastating for you . How dare he be subjected to such treatment at his high school . My 14-year-old son has been struggling with problematic behaviors since early head start. The more you give out the more things come back to you over time . Ngaio-RO. I try to encourage him to go out and try to get to know other kids in our neighborhood, but he never wants to do it. Aside from that, he seems to do much better in one-to-one situations compared to being in a group. It's not about you. Many 14-year-olds develop an interest in forming romantic relationships. 26. He's often the last chosen for teams, even though he's quite sporty and academic. I found with my son that just one friend can make all the difference. I know this is a personal question but does he have an autism spectrum disorder where social communication skills might be the cause. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. How can I help my son become more social? 10:09 AM Hi@NywvmomTo2. He'd like to join them but has no idea how. My son told me last night he's upset because he feels he has no friends. This is hard for your teen, but it's also hard on you! Kids are cruel. Ask them : What are your strategies for bullying ? New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. They will only give it enough energy and imperative if you drive the bus and you are his strongest advocate . A teen asks: Why are friendships so fleeting? To get you through these rough waters, here are 7 ways to help your lonely teenager make friends. My 14 year old son has no friends. Young people can be very attuned to their parents' moods and may be reluctant to add to their stress. Parents and carers connect: Its complicated, Single parents, carers and blended familes. Hello, I received a text from my teen's friend 's mother saying my 14 years old son has been sending texts to her son using really bad language. Why Your 15-Year-Old Son Has No Friends In most cases, teens just haven't found their group yet, their click. . What did you think ? He also has a ADHD coupled with a learning disability, so school is a constant struggle for good grades. Ronnie's passing comes just four years after Tina's oldest son, Craig, (whose father was the late saxophonist Raymond Hill) died by suicide at the age of 59 in July 2018. Most kids fall somewhere in between, but it's no wonder why many parents worry about their children's friendships and ability to make new friends. I hope this provides some hope - my son who I wrote about nearly two years ago is now heading off to college. Eleven-year-old Tina sits on the porch steps in tears. It happens. We tried a psychologist who was recommended but she was awful and he couldnt get past the first appointment (she was confrontational and told him he was rude). He isn't into sports although I have tried to encourage him to join them without success. [Free Download: 14 Ways to Help Your Child With ADHD Make Friends] . By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. You have to be a squeaky wheel and get in their face ! He had a lot of friends growing up. This situation happens when the child is an "outside the box" thinker or someone who doesn't really run along with the crowd. Good luck, God bless! The doors closes. My 14 year old son has no friends Anonymous 24/05/2014 at 2:20 pm In answer to Anonymous Have you tried signing her up for some after school / evening groups. On Dec. 6, a group of James' friends in his eighth-grade class chipped in their own money to surprise him on his birthday at school and he's worn it every day since. I ask because my son has asd but around me is fine. The parents of those other kids are probably saying the same thing about your child.". MY CHILD'S BEHAVIOUR WHEN "MY CHILD HAS NO FRIENDS AT SCHOOL" The actions of your child can show if your child has no friends at school or conflict is ongoing. He was bullied throughout high school and ended up spending a lot of time alone in his room but he found a passion in computer science. I have multiple siblings, and I became used to sharing, compromising and fitting in to a group from a young age. I had a similar experience when my son was around the same age andI recall something that worked for us was that I "chose" the kids in his peer group that I could see looked like nice, kind kids & I instigated play outside of school and nurtured those friendships. You sound like a loving mother, so of course this is going to impact you as well. When I asked him why he doesn't try to arrange things himself and invite people from school, instead of waiting for other people to invite him, he said he didn't think that would work. My 17 yo daughter has experienced periods of loneliness, gone through different groups of friends and at times feels like she doesn't fit into any group at school it is really heartbreaking. I'm sure this is a common problem. Information is power. Privacy Policy. He's not into sports. Document everything your son tells you , keep a record with dates , times and reactions . He is very shy and spends all his time in his room. He seems to get picked on and bullied some too which I don't really understand. . It's like the national anthem of parents: "It's not my childit's those kids he hangs out with!". Relationships between two people take work, especially when both people are young and finding their way in the world. One or two friends are all they need. It kills me because he says he tries to talk to people and they answer him but they never initiate a conversation with him. Siblings can be brought into the mission to help, comfort, and share valuable information. And don't be hard on yourself - you sound very caring! If your son seems "fine" with his more limited network of friends, make sure you aren't transferring your own needs and/or insecurities onto him. I signed him up to karate classes and scouts. "If a child has at least one friend, there is a frame of reference and a forum in which to practice friendship." Parents may start to notice that their child is starting to develop a. My 14 year old son has no friends or a social life. It would be difficult knowing your son has no close friends, and the experience with the psychologist sounds awful. He is a quiet boy and quite socially awkward but not to an extreme extent. Hes too old for me to arrange a social life for him. Helpfully, studies also show that it's not necessary for teenagers to be "popular" or have a large group of friends to reap these benefits. My 14 year old son has no friends. The school should have an anti bullying policy and it might be a good idea to make an appointment with the wellbeing co-ordinator as well as the Principal together . Unfortunately, there have been problems at home between my husband and me. What is it about social situations that he struggles with. With a little bit of help and a lot of support, kids who have previously had difficulty making friends can experience the joy that solid friendships can bring.". He was invited to birthday parties and had a lot of play dates. Since then, he hasn't had any friends visit him at home, and he hasn't visited any at their house, as far as I know. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. For a teenage girl, I know it's a universe in which my advice is a foreign tongue. Insist on a plan with measurable outcomes . He doesn't have a best friend; he is never invited over to other kids' houses or for overnights. I want him to develop healthy relationships but between home difficulties and his teen avoidance, I don't know what to do. Dear ADDitude: My Child Doesn't Have Any Friends "My 8-year-old is happy and friendly, but he doesn't play with anyone at recess and doesn't like to work in groups. Auto-suggest helps you quickly narrow down your search results by suggesting possible matches as you type. He has never physically abused him. What can I do to help him? But, my son has no friends and it's breaking my heart. To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account. 05/02/2020 01:28. All we can do is try to help our kids through things as best we can but getting to the bottom of it sometimes is like real detective work. This year he doesn't seem to hang with them. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. This is NOT OK , and must be nipped in the bud yesterday . He was invited to birthday parties and had a lot of play dates. He's alone 24/7. My 10-year-old son is sociable, outgoing and not shy, but he never seems to fit in. At age 26 he worked sporadic jobs with no continuity, socialized occasionally with one friend, and spent most of his awake time playing computer games. 1) Get to the root of the problem: Talk to your child and find out what's causing the issues with potential friendships. He's also painfully lonely. I have two incredible children and a loving husband all who are healthy. Ongoing bullying can have massive repercussions and the fallout for the future can be very damaging . He is very clean and wears nice clothes and is a fairly decent student. We are not a counselling or crisis service and we can't guarantee you'll get a reply, so if you need to talk now, The current time is Mon, 1:37 AM(Australian Eastern time). The family home is where we get our bearings to the outside world, and we often follow the examples of our parents and siblings. Well done for reaching out to us . There is a saying " you are only as happy as your unhappiest child " , it must be so painful to watch and heart breaking for your son . If you need to flag this entry as abusive, Help! I agree get him into some after school activities. When he is with me he is great, I do not know what he is doing that is off putting to others. Bring it to your meetings . Part of HuffPost Parenting. Thanks for any help our direction you can give me. In his early elementary years (Kindergarten-2nd grade) teachers would call his mother and I and tell us that he's very quiet and doesn't talk. It's not healthy to sit in the house all day. Hi, I've just been reading about your son. Resist the temptation to chime in with your observations that your teenager daughter has no friends. I feel badly about him being left out. It truly hurts your own heart when your kids are hurting. I'm so sorry to hear about your son. He's okay, in fact, he's more than okay with how he spends . They may have crushes or they may consider themselves in a relationship. So phone them for updates always . No one calls . Ask The Friendship Doctor. 1. They will appreciate his efforts and quiet , reserved people can turn into the most loyal and steady friends across time . 27/02/2022 13:26. He had a lot of friends growing up. I'm worried that since he's struggling to fit in and make friends now, he will continue to struggle in the future when he gets a job, or goes to university, etc. I'm not sure if you have opportunity for that but if you do, perhaps that would help. He was very close to Grandad. I'm trying to focus on that. My son is an introvert. He doesn't talk to them outside of school and he doesn't have their phone numbers. When I hear that, I always say: "Maybe that's so, but the reason he hangs out with that group is that he's similar to them. He barely goes outside. Contents: Reasons why a child may not have friends Your child may feel preoccupied Your child may feel neglected Your child may feel confused Your child may feel disrespected Your child may feel restricted Ways to help your child make friends Toddlers (2-3 years) Preschoolers (3-5 years) Middle Childhood (6-8 years) Middle Childhood (9-11 years) As for your son, maybe joining a new club, sport or interest group would make for a good opportunity to meet new people. Anyway all the best. We also don't have much of a social life. The kids he calls "friends" asked him to join the 7th grade football team but outside of seeing kids at school, there is no other social interaction. Other children are quiet, shy or even a little socially awkward. "We've made a compromise, that . When do they act ? For instance when they're playing soccer, if some of them kick the ball over the fence, it's seen as funny but when . Reach out to your child's school and teachers to get more information about his daily life and to make them aware of the fact that your child is lonely and feels he has no friends. I live in Oregon and my 13 year old son has run away twice. He's given up football (which he did from age 6). I'm worried about my son. My advice to you is to have a heart to heart discussion with him at some point. (Maybe 20 lbs overweight). 10 "It is productive for parents to have conversations with their kids about healthy relationships, sex, and dating so they are not just getting their information from social media," Dr. Jassey says. He's a bright kid who doesn't get into trouble at school or home. This may start of in small momentary increments and over time , he will build rapport and a friendship may blossom . There are many reasons why a child may not have many, or any, friends. He sits at home all day watching TV, playing video games, and on his phone. Tell him that shy people have difficulty initiating conversations and to find kids in the class who seem a little alone and strick up a chat . QUESTION. I got him involved in every activity possible but is not really athletic. 2) Ask others: Those who are close to your child or who interact with them . I am so sad to hear what is happening to your boy at school . He tells me that he does talk to people in school, and does have friends in school. I have approached their parents and informed them what has been going on, their reaction was horrible, they didn't want to know about it, boys will be boys, to man up etc. My 12-year-old, going on 13, doesn't seem to have any close friends. He will meet friends there who can help to be a buffer to what is going on at school . I mean he isn't Channing Tatum, but he is a handsome young boy. Found the internet! Every parent wants to see their children happy, interacting and engaged. By Barbara Greenberg | July 25,. Unfortunately, it's easy for me as a middle-aged man to choose whom I associate with and to embrace my nerdism. My 14 year old son has just spent another school holiday without any friends. What sport do you play , did you watch the footy on the weekend . This has been true since about fourth grade when he never asked for friends to come over or got asked to stay over much with other kids. My 14 year old son has no friends, and I'm worried. Knowledge is power and knowing will be the first step towards your child's future ability to make friends. I force him to go out on car rides every weekend with me and his older brother, because that's the only time I can get him out of the house. Six Ways To Help Your Child Make Friends. Thanks again! The sad truth is school has become so intense and all -consuming that there is little time to prioritize friendships. What can I do to help him? My 14 year old son has no friends. I've been worried about him for a while because when school is out, he spends most of his time at home, usually playing minecraft on his laptop. I tell my teens who are having problems with loneliness to practice questions they can ask Kids at school . I'm worried about my son. Hope you find them helpful. He has flat feet, asthma, wears glasses and a little overweight. I appreciate any feedback. Not sure if I was popular or not, it doesn't matter anymore. Also find out exactly what your son has trouble with- initiating conversations? Painful teen friendship: What's a mom to do. 08-29-2017 The kids who don't have friends, successful relationship as teenagers have much higher rates of delinquency, drug addiction, depression even suicide and very difficult times establishing successful adult relationships, this is big time concern. 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